It’s 1 PM and I’m laying in a bed in a six bed dormitory in Bangkok, Thailand. I was feeling sorry for myself until about a half an hour ago. Last night after 13 hours of buses, trains, border crossings and 24 hours of not eating-delirium, I eagerly followed a cab driver to his car so I could drop my bag at my hostel and head to the famous Khao San Rd. I didn’t notice the 1.5 ft drop-off from the platform. With my 25kg pack strapped to my back I fell and twisted my ankle. I felt pain that I have never felt before in my life. My vision blacked out. All I could see were stars in the corners of my eyes. I couldn’t catch my breath from the blinding pain. I was so excited to explore Bangkok but now I’ll be lying in bed.
My 23rd birthday is in a few days. I’m alone in a country half way around the world from everyone I know and I have a flight to India in a few days with an ankle that can’t be walked on. I feel vulnerable and confused Around midday a young woman comes in to clean the room and she notices me adjusting my foot. She asks me what happened and I explain. She asks where I’m from. I tell her America and ask where she’s from. She hesitates. I offer, India? Like the owners [of the hotel]? “No, I am from Pakistan.” I say, “Oh okay. How long have you been in Thailand?” “Two years. I’m not supposed to tell people that I’m from Pakistan.” I say I won’t tell anyone. She shakes her head and says, “No not guests, guests are friends. I mean people outside. So it’s okay.”
She comes over and puts a blanket on my foot and says the tiger balm works better when it’s covered. She says she has four kids so she knows injuries. I thank her and she asks how long I’m traveling for. I explain that I don’t plan on returning home any time soon. She responds that she won’t either. If her family goes back to Pakistan there are people waiting to kill them. Her husband ruffled some feathers in the community because his shop was selling things at a lower price and was doing better business, she explains. They came for him one day, beat him bloody and threatened his and his family’s lives. He took a rikshaw home with blood pouring out of his face and told her to pack her things. She was seven months pregnant and had three small children under the age of 7. They went into hiding and arrange papers to leave the country. It’s been two years since. I ask if she worked in hotels back home. “No I am a kindergarten teacher” She also mentions her husband has his Master’s in Engineering, but he too is just doing housework now.
Like a truck hit me, at this I become overwhelmed and start crying. It scares her a little bit and I apologize. I can’t imagine this life. She says her children can’t go to school because they don’t speak Thai and barely English. They are not allowed outside even to play soccer with the other neighborhood kids. They stay in the house with the doors and windows shut while she and her husband work every day from morning until sunset. She teaches her youngest kids at home but worries about her eldest daughter who should be in second grade. She doesn’t know how to teach her anymore. Moreover, they have to leave Thailand soon because their visas were rejected. They don’t get to pick where they’re going. But they can’t return home. My heart is melting and I don’t know what to say. She says she’ll finish cleaning and come back to keep me company. I am left alone in my empty dorm and can’t believe I had spent even one minute feeling sorry for myself.
Though I would love if I hadn’t fractured my ankle, maybe a slice of humble pie is the best birthday present I could have asked for. I am grateful for my freedom of choices. That I have the choice to return home or not. To travel and explore all the corners of the earth with the windows wide open. I am grateful for the mere fact that every step I take is in the direction I chose. People, conflicts, ideologies, governments and bureaucracy do not really hinder any of the paths I may choose to take. This is not true for everyone in 2015 and is probably not even true for the majority throughout the world. Each day I wake up free from restraint I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
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