Aug 21, 2016
By Rachana Awatramani
An inspired road to transformation In India
A dialogue from the movie “Eat Pray Love” that said, “Ruin is good, ruin is the road to transformation” always made me wonder how? How can ruin be good and more so how can it be the road to transformation?
Just soon after, I realised the true meaning of what this seemingly complex dialogue meant. There came a time in my life where I was left with nothing… no money, no home, no support, abusive relationship and a job that I quit. I almost gave up on everything. I felt at that point what ruined meant, since I was ruined completely. Me and my family were bankrupt and the only possession we had were a few clothes. I felt helpless and cried every night to bed silently. I didn’t want my younger brother, who slept next to me, to know that I was in tears. But I knew that he noticed what I was going through being the oldest in the family after my father.
One day my brother came up to me and said, “Just Let Go! Leave everything! Just be at peace, don’t do anything, leave everything and go wherever you want to go.” Since he was aware that I have always been fascinated by the people who live in jungles, mountains, ashrams etc. and that I always wanted to go to a place like that, he bought me a ticket to this place he had heard about. It came as a surprise that my little brother thought about this for me. It was an emotional moment. I thought for a while if it’s ok to leave everything and go away like that to just be with myself, where no one knows me, where I could just be me and have no pressure of earning money, running a house etc. honestly however, I just wanted to run away… yes, I wanted to go. I probably was a little selfish at that time but I was extremely frustrated and could not think straight. So, I took off on 1st Jan as I wanted to start my new year differently.
It was an Ashram near Bangalore (South India), a calm and quiet place which was away from the hustle bustle of the city. Since it was my first visit to South India I felt a little apprehensive. Just then I remembered my brother who asked me to just “Let Go”. I did exactly that even though I did not know the native language and had enough money only to reach the Ashram. I felt partially at peace the moment I reached the Ashram. I was put up at a place called Jungle Block (small rooms built in between a jungle) and they use to provide me with food. I had no idea of what was to be done next. However, since I am a Counseling Psychologist, I started counseling and helping the children in their Gurukul (School). I also received offerings from some parents as they were happy with the work I was doing with their children.
At these Jungle Blocks where I stayed, there was a lady caretaker who everyone called Amma (Mother). She was responsible for cleaning the place and maintaining it. She could only speak in her mother tongue Kanada, which I did not know. So the basic communication would happen with non-verbal gestures for food, water etc.
One evening she came to my room and started speaking to me in her language. I told her in Hindi that I did not understand what she was saying. I don’t know if she got that, but she continued talking to me. I repeated myself but she went on and on. Very calmly then I let her continue. I listened to her staring at her with a blank expression. She finished what she had to say and then went away. It was clear that she did not expect any response from me. She just wanted to talk, she probably wanted to vent out something.
The third day I was waiting for her to come. I don’t know why but this time when she came I started sharing too. I openly shared my feelings and emotions. Everything that was in me came out and I felt much lighter than when I first entered here. Amazingly, Amma was listening to me and looking at me as though she understood what I said. At the end of the conversation, she hugged me, smiled at me and left. We did this for 4 more days in a row.
Knowingly or unknowingly she helped me vent out. I was thinking out loud with her. She helped me reflect on what I still have, what I can be grateful for and finally I understood that I have a choice of being happy. I have a choice to learn from everything and everyone on my way. I have a choice to decide every moment of my life whether I want to be stuck in my ruin or stand up and move forward. She made me realize so much without speaking the same language. I started to believe that the road of transformation can be from anywhere and through anyone. It will not always be from a known source it can begin from the unknown.
It just enthralls me now to think back about the most knowledgeable journey that started from the ruins and led to the unknown; to an unknown road, to an unknown person and from there to the realization of the higher truth of life. This expedition can be rightly summarized as an unknown road to transformation.
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About the Author
I have done B.A. in psychology, after which I successfully completed M.A. in Counseling Psychology in 2010. Rachana as my name means "to create", I have been inventing my own ways of evolving self and helping others evolve. I am a counseling psychologist by profession and a spiritualist by interest. I love to travel and express my learning and experiences through words and pictures.