Flying or Falling in New Zealand

 

I wished they had asked if we were ready before the plane thrummed to life and began moving. Everyone cheered and I raised my fist halfheartedly as we lurched forward. We had an appointment 12,000 feet in the air. I shifted in my uncomfortable bright orange jumpsuit and reviewed the simple instructions over and over again in my head. As the wheels left the ground and we became airborne I realized I had forgotten to use the bathroom. I did my best to inform my bladder that it would just have to wait. I had more issues to worry about, like whether I would live through the next half hour.

 The plane reminded me of a sky bound clown car (which is not the simile I would have chosen if my mind had given me a choice), but I was quickly distracted by the rattling see through plane door an inch from my right elbow. I was strapped to Albert, so as I averted my eyes from the ground falling away from me I decided to instead try and concentrate on the straps attaching me to the man who had done this thousands of times and obviously lived to tell the tale. But as soon as I did new thoughts started floating through my mind: What if Albert is suicidal? What if he wants to make a statement by taking someone else out with him? What would happen if I just jumped out right now? My heart clutched my throat with tight fists and blood surged from my head to my toes.

After twenty eternal minutes the time came. I was the first jumper. The straps holding me to Albert were so tight I felt like I was sitting in his lap as he leaned over and opened the door. Following his instructions I pulled my goggles over my eyes and looked out. It occurred to me that there was something inherently wrong about looking down at clouds.

 I expected to have a moment to embrace my possible death before Albert pushed us off the edge of the plane, but one second I was staring at the clouds and the next I was heading toward them face first.

I didn’t scream. I don’t think I could. It felt as if all my emotions and thoughts had been left behind as my body hurtled toward the ground. The speed with which we fell was so intense that I think I went a full thirty seconds without breathing. My eyes watered as I swallowed the wind.

Then with breathtaking suddenness we plummeted through the last layer of cloud and broke into the clear sky. I could see New Zealand. Miles and miles of it. The natural green and blue were so bright and alive they looked more like a painting than real life. I knew my body wasn’t visible from the ground and I wondered if I belonged to the sky or the earth.

Earth. Definitely earth. My emotions were beginning to catch up with me as we continued free falling for the longest thirty seconds of my life. Then Albert pulled the parachute (thankfully he wasn’t suicidal). The sharp jerk surprised me like a driver stepping hard on the breaks and the straps dug into my legs, but then we started gliding. Despite my ears throbbing from the sudden atmospheric change and my eyes watering in the wind I watched with wonder as the ground lazily approached us. The buildings grew from tiny pinpricks to doll houses and gradually to their true size as we floated down. I felt enveloped in quiet as we sliced silently through the air.

Then like a blow horn the spell was broken. My eyes grew wide as the ground began rushing toward us. Moments ago our descent had felt slow, but now we were on fast-forward. Albert told me to stick out my legs, which I did obediently. We were level with the treetops, then the top of the buildings, and then my feet found the solid ground.

        I stumbled several steps forward like a child learning to walk, but I managed to stay upright. My body shook as I stood there, uncertain of what to do next and still unsure if my legs would move on command. But then I stared up at the sky and, for the first time since I left the plane, I smiled. I stood there with wild hair and goggle marks around my eyes as the adrenaline drained. Breathing in the moment, I knew that I had just made one of many steps forward in my continual battle to weaken my biggest barricade: myself.

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